From Setbacks to Success: Embracing Humility as a Leader

It happens to all of us. A key team member quits. Someone you thought you were tight with, someone you thought would be there forever. Someone you thought was all in and completely committed to you and your practice. They pull you aside and let you know they are moving on to another practice, one they feel is a better fit for their life. Ouch.

As Kirk often says, “people don’t quit practices, they usually quit a leader.”

Yes, it hurts. At first, you are shocked, then mad, then sad. Maybe you feel defeated and question your leadership. After a few days, you make your next move and start looking for their replacement. It is right here, at this point, at this fork in the decision road, that differentiates the skilled leaders from the weak ones. Let me explain. People quit. It happens even to the best of leaders, but most don’t do the one thing that might help avoid a repeat of this scenario.

Ask why. Yes, it’s pretty simple but not at all easy as it takes a healthy dose of humility. Yes, the person might be acting foolishly in your eyes. Yes, they may find the grass is not greener on the other side. They likely haven’t fully appreciated all that you’ve done for them. All those emotions you are feeling are normal. They are human as are you. But if you don’t set your pride aside and ask them how you could have been better as a leader, you are missing a huge opportunity.

I call it Humility-Based Leadership, and the foundation of this style is the full understanding that leadership is hard, we all fail occasionally, and the only way to improve is to get the help of those you lead, even those that are leaving.

What does this look like? There are two steps in this process:

1. Many call this an exit interview. This sounds too Human Resource-y for me. I simply advise getting real humble and asking that person for their honest feedback. Don’t ask it in a defensive tone and only ask it after your emotions are under control. Tell them you are sad to see them go and would really like to learn about how they made their decision so you can grow as a leader. Sincerely wish them well and ask them the favor of their honesty in how your leadership, your practice, or your team culture could improve. Don’t argue or debate or disagree. Take the feedback, even the “unfair” feedback, and use it to be better.
2. The second step is even more important than the first. The opinions you should care most about are those still on your team. Call a meeting and openly discuss the fact that he/she is leaving and discuss what you’ve learned you could do better. Ask them to weigh in on how you all as a team can create a better environment. Ask for their feedback on you as a leader. Show them your humility, show them you value their opinion, and show them you need their help.

Most won’t do this because it might hint at weakness or failure. Yet the truth is that almost nothing will endear those you lead more than you showing vulnerability. The best leaders know they are going to fail from time to time, and they use them as opportunities to make changes that set up all on the team for better success in the future.