Are you scared of tough conversations? Do you avoid them at all costs? Then it could cost you your practice! To help you avert future crisis, Kirk Behrendt brings back Carlie Einarson, one of ACT’s amazing coaches, to share a framework for having good, productive conflict and building a culture of trust. Put an end to false harmony in your practice! To learn how to have courageous conversations with your team, listen to Episode 857 of The Best Practices Show!
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Episode Resources:
Main Takeaways:
Quotes:
“Tough conversations are the hard stuff. Like you said, you don't like having these conversations. They don't teach you about these in school. They don't teach you about them in dental school. They don't teach you about them in any type of schooling — even growing up. A lot of people don't see great conversations happening around them, whether it's first jobs, parents, family. Everybody is different. And without facing those tough conversations, you're going to limit the progress in your practice. So, it's fine if you're not there. They're really difficult, and it's really that leadership hat that you'll have to put on. These tough conversations are going to have you become a true leader to your team.” (1:29—2:09) -Carlie
“When you're avoiding tough conversations, things are really stuck on the surface and progress doesn't really happen. That authentic trust comes with talking about the hard issues and not avoiding them, because avoiding them causes you to lose time, money, and team morale. It causes you a lot of costs in other ways by avoiding these conflicts. When it's done right, you can unlock the potential of that true leadership role in the practice. When you step out of that clinical chair and you're in that leadership role for your team, you will truly have a much happier, higher performing team if you don't tiptoe around the issues.” (2:43—3:30) -Carlie
“When you're leaning into [having tough conversations], that trust is really built. Once you have some really good conflict and conversations around the conflict, then the trust really opens up and appears, Then, it happens more and more often, and it sparks creativity, and ultimately it makes people happier coming to work. We're not sweeping things under the rug. They're not upset. They come and they talk about it. They have their thoughts heard, and it ultimately leads to better patient care, better team morale, and culture. It increases all the trust throughout the organization between you and your team, and then between your team and their teammates as well.” (4:03—4:46) -Carlie
“Conflict is not confrontation. Conflict does not have to be yelling. It doesn't have to be fighting. It doesn't have to be arguments or drama. It truly isn't about that. It's about open and honest conversations that lead to growth and trust. So, it's not attacking problems — it's really approaching it with curiosity and collaboration and asking, how can we improve this together? So, conflict can be good conflict, and it can be happy conflict. It doesn't need to be harsh and confrontational and drama.” (5:35—6:10) -Carlie
“Many of the doctors that I coach, this is one of the biggest topics we talk about because a lot of fear gets in the way. They're concerned that they don't want to rock the boat or upset anyone. They don't want team members to leave because team members are hard to find. Then, they are concerned about what they're going to think about them after they have these conversations — if they're going to be upset with them, or fear them, or resentful. But not knowing how to have tough conversations is another thing. So, fear — not knowing how to do it — we don't learn this. Like we said, some of us have seen really great examples over the years from leaders that we've had in our lives, or through our parents, or certain things. Some people haven’t. Some people are still in those jobs where the confrontation comes out, or their parents don’t really have great conflict in front of them. Who knows, even in your own relationships. It’s a skill that you need to learn and develop through all of life, and it’s not favorable or comfortable to have those confrontational conversations.” (9:29—10:32) -Carlie
“Some personality styles are more comfortable, naturally, with confrontation. The [minority] of the population is in the D-style. They're more comfortable with confrontation. Most of the public are S-style, or I-styles like you, people that like to please people. You, specifically in the “I” category, are more conflict averse. It's going to take more practice, and it's going to take your coach, a.k.a. Jamie or someone like me, to hold you accountable to actually doing it. Because even if you talked about it, I really built you up, coached you up on how to do it, it's going to take somebody to come back around in a week and be like, ‘How did that conversation go? Did you have it?’ because you might have ran away from it.” (11:36—12:29) -Carlie
“No matter what your DiSC style is, you're going to need to really embrace the conflict in your practice. Conflict isn't harmful — it's helpful. So, even if you just write it down, have it on a sticky note, read it over a few different times because, ultimately, it's going to start with you as the leader. I guarantee you there's not going to be a team member that's going to come in and start up the conflict one day. It's going to have to start with you. You're going to have to foster that culture of productive conflict to have the team buy into that as well, and to have them feel like it's an okay place, and they trust you to even have the conflict.” (13:40—14:20) -Carlie
“A courageous conversation is a tough conversation. It's one that you are thinking about in your head. You're getting a little anxious about having a conversation. You're a little nervous. You're like, ‘Oh, they're not doing their job really well,’ or, ‘We're not really clear.’ Something is going on. You have those, right? You have them with everyone in your life. We have a courageous conversation framework that can help support you to make it a little bit easier. It's a framework I highly recommend. Before you have a tough conversation, write it down. It really has a shift in your brain from when you're thinking about it, getting worked up with your emotions. Writing it down takes out some of the emotions, and it helps you really think a little bit more clearly. So, we have a great framework. It starts with a bunch of “I feel”, “I want”, and statements that start with “I”. It's a great way to start a courageous conversation with somebody that's a little harder to have that.” (17:03—17:59) -Carlie
“The courageous conversation starts from the awareness wheel and being aware of your surroundings, being aware of how you feel, being aware of not using those “you” statements and pointing the finger. You have one finger pointed at someone else and four back at you. So, starting it with you, how you feel, really takes that conversation and flips it into a more productive conversation. For instance, if it's in sterilization and I came up and I said, ‘Hey, Kirk. You didn't do this. You didn't finish your job last night. You didn't do this,' versus if I came up to you and said, ‘Hey, Kirk. I've noticed that you haven't finished all this sterilization every night. I'm thinking that you've had somewhere to go. Can you tell me what's going on?’ It's a way different conversation than just saying, ‘This is a you problem. You did this. I don't like it.’” (18:31—19:24) -Carlie
“[Check-ins] really opens the door to create trust. Trust is not created overnight. It takes a little bit of time, and being interested and caring about your team members starts with these check-ins. You ultimately care about your team members, in general. But showing that you care in your check-ins and creating that trust, that vulnerability-based trust, makes these tough conversations so much easier because, number one, you have time set aside already to have these conversations. Then, once you get to know each other better, it's easier.” (20:31—21:07) -Carlie
“Lean into it. Dip your toe in. It's going to take a little time to get comfortable, but conflict builds trust. Avoiding the tough conversations may feel like the safe, best place to be, but it really keeps you stuck in one place. Leaning in fosters that trust, growth, stronger teamwork, and better culture. Everything in the office is better, like you said about families. I would also say, think about courageous conversations as a good thing. It's not confrontation. It's not yelling. It's not getting upset. It doesn't mean being aggressive or going and pointing fingers. It's about opening the door, being honest, having collaborative dialogue, being curious, and getting the team members' feedback and having it be an open conversation between the two of you.” (23:03—23:50) -Carlie
Snippets:
0:00 Introduction.
1:11 Why this is an important topic.
2:10 Stop avoiding conflict.
5:17 Conflict, defined.
7:11 Examples of conflict in a dental office.
9:18 Don't let fear get in the way.
11:18 DiSC styles and conflict aversion.
13:30 How to embrace conflict.
16:16 Courageous conversations, explained.
19:45 The importance of team check-ins.
22:56 Final thoughts.
Carlie Einarson Bio:
Carlie Einarson is a lead practice coach who has a passion for helping others succeed in the dental field. She loves helping to create a stable foundation for practices so both professionals and patients have a great experience every time they walk in the door!
Carlie graduated from Utah College of Dental Hygiene. She has ten years of experience in the dental field, including clinical dental hygiene, front office, and leading teams.
In her free time, she enjoys spending quality time with loved ones, traveling, skiing, playing volleyball, and golfing.