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706: Leading Beyond the Chair: 4 Key Pillars for Dental Team Success – Miranda Beeson

If you're not good with people, you won't have a great business — or a great life! Your first step is to master the four domains of emotional intelligence, and Kirk Behrendt brings back Miranda Beeson, one of ACT’s amazing coaches, to teach you how. Get good at people, not just dentistry! To become an emotionally intelligent leader for yourself, your team, and your family, listen to Episode 706 of The Best Practices Show!

Learn More About Miranda:

Learn More About ACT Dental:

More Helpful Links for a Better Practice & a Better Life:

Episode Resources:

Main Takeaways:

  • Develop your self-awareness.
  • Learn how to regulate your emotions.
  • Recognize and understand other people’s emotions.
  • Grow your ability to manage other people’s emotional states.  
  • Ask for feedback from your team about your leadership skills.

Quotes:

“As the leader, you have a responsibility to your team. We often say at ACT, as goes the leader, so goes the team. So, your decision-making in your practice, your leadership, your transparency, your clarity, the connection that you're making with your team, is going to be directly impacted by your level of emotional intelligence as a leader. We've heard over and over again that people don't leave jobs, they leave bosses. Now, sometimes it's the job. But a lot of times it's a lack of clear leadership. It's maybe not having a leader that challenges us directly, that provides that personal connection, or understands us as people and they're looking at us as just resources.” (2:44—3:25)

“Some people argue, and some research even shows us, that your EQ, your emotional intelligence quotient, is more important than even your IQ. You can be the smartest person in the world when it comes to book smarts or taking a test. But if you can't read a room or you can't learn to work with people and manage your emotions, you're not going to have as much success in your practice.” (4:14—4:34)

“I would argue that it's actually easier to become a better clinical dentist than it is to become a leader.” (5:54—6:01)

“Character isn't just something you have. Character is something you can develop. Emotional intelligence is something you can develop as well, where IQ is kind of what it is. Like, our brain develops to a certain stage in life, and then it kind of stops — and sometimes regresses. But when it comes to our emotional intelligence, we can be working on that, fostering that, and growing that throughout our entire life.” (6:32—6:54)

“The very first domain is self-awareness. Self-awareness is having the ability to acknowledge and understand your own moods and emotions. Self-awareness grows through experiences, the good and the bad, but you have to be able to reflect on them, paying close attention to your inner dialogue, your reactions, and your feelings. So, self-awareness is literally being able to say like, ‘I understand that I'm emotionally flooded right now.’ If someone upsets you, say Susie, your dental assistant, has to get up again from a procedure to go get something she forgot in the setup, even though we've talked about it before, and you feel that heat rise in your chest, and your brain starts spinning, you start to feel frustrated, angry, disappointed, sad — like, there are all these feelings that start happening. If we're aware of that and we can stop for a moment and reflect on our feelings, then we'll be able to move into these future stages.” (7:46—8:44)

“If you have a team member that lacks accountability — they can't seem to even see the damage that they're doing or the response that they're providing — they probably lack self-awareness. And you as a leader, if you have team members that . . . like, ‘He just doesn't get it. He can't connect,’ or, ‘He doesn't understand where I'm coming from,’ or, ‘She doesn't understand where I'm coming from,’ it's possible that we're still stuck at self-awareness.” (8:53—9:20)

“I think a big piece of self-awareness is accountability . . . Really, it comes down to acknowledging where you're currently at.” (9:33—9:43)

“You have to move up the ladder of emotional intelligence through the four pillars. So, if I'm at self-awareness and just learning what that is and trying to become more self-aware, how can I impact my own emotions and be aware of what I'm experiencing? And honestly, I think what it is for most of us, especially in the dental world, is time is not on our side and we are go, go, go, go going all day long. Truly, you do have to stop, and you have to ask yourself, ‘What am I experiencing right now? Why am I experiencing this? How is it impacting my ability to perform? How is that going to impact my team? How is that going to impact my patients?’” (11:46—12:21)

“The more aware you are of your own self, the better benefit you're going to have to the people around you.” (15:01—15:06)

“I like to hire around emotional intelligence. And there are ways, when you get really good at this, to be able to recognize if someone has that or not because you're going to limit the amount of those toxic conversations that happen within your practice . . . You have less and less and less of those when you have team members around you that also have a higher level of emotional intelligence.” (15:09—15:33)

“Regulation is the ability to control the impulses around those moods and emotions. So, once we're aware of what they are and we've named that emotion, we have to be able to regulate it. So, our self-regulation allows us to stop and respond instead of that reaction . . . just taking that moment to think before you act. When this domain is developed, you're also enabled to take accountability for your actions and feelings. So, the first step is being able to own, ‘What am I feeling?’” (15:42—16:16)

“I actually say it's a great idea to journal or type out that email with no intention of sending it. Get all of those feelings and that emotional flooding and outburst out. Now that all that is gone, you're going to have a clearer head to go back and say, ‘Is this really what I would want to say to this person? Is this actually going to be helpful in this scenario?’” (18:14—18:34)

“A thing to ask yourself if you're trying to figure out self-regulation is, ‘What could I do to change my mood?’ Think about things that generally would take you from sad or frustrated to happy or peaceful. And that's going to be different for every person. It might be putting in your earbuds and listening to some calming music. It might be stepping outside. It might be getting it all out in an email or on a piece of paper so that you can release some of what you're feeling. But whatever would normally take you from sad to happy or frustrated to peaceful, starting to implement those things in a tangible way and thinking, ‘How could I appropriately express how I'm feeling and what I'm experiencing?’ especially if it has to do with someone else's behavior. We want to make sure that we're thinking really intently about, ‘How is this an appropriate way? What would be an appropriate way for me to express this feeling that I've now been able to identify? I've gone through self-awareness. I know I feel mad, and I know it's because of this. What's the DiSC of this person that I need to go talk to? How is the best way for me to send them this information?’ just being able to reflect and regulate on what we then do with how we're feeling and what we're experiencing.” (19:30—20:44)

“Pillar number three . . . is social awareness. So, we've been talking about our own feelings and being aware of them and regulating them. But the next pillar in the emotional intelligence quotient is social awareness — being able to recognize and understand other people's emotions. It's the ability to understand the emotional state of other people and your effect on other people. So, this can be really impactful in the dental office. You can't skip to number three though. You have to be able to work your way through your own self first. But once you have a really stable handle on your own self, now you can start to look at how you affect other people, collaborative work environments, and teams.” (21:36—22:18)

“A simple way to look at [social awareness] is, how well do you read the room? If you're able to manage your emotions but you walk in and you're super happy, and you see that everybody is really down, do you feel that? Do you sense that? Are you able to recognize and be aware of how other people are feeling — your patients and your team members alike?” (22:18—22:39)

“Be interested, not interesting. Ask more questions than what you're giving. And honestly, stop for a minute and look around. Read body language. Look at the expressions on people's faces. See how everyone is doing. If everyone is really pumped up this morning, you don't want to be the leader that walks in in a bad mood because you argued with your wife when you were walking out the door and were stuck in traffic on the way to work. You have to figure out a way to regulate and manage those emotions. Walk into that room. See, ‘Oh, my team is crushing it right now. They are pumped to get started with the day.’ Now, I have to figure out a way to bring myself into this collaborative environment and fit in with the vibe of what's going on because I don't want to be the one that sets us off on the wrong foot when they're ready to go.” (23:49—24:37)

“You have to know the things that are going to help you bring the best you to your team.” (25:18—25:22)

“You have to be transparent with your team. You have to be clear with your team. But ultimately, you have to inspire your team.” (25:32—25:38)

“When we look at the social awareness piece, before we move on to the next pillar, you're really looking at two things, ‘What's happening with the emotional state of the people around me? What are they saying, and what are they doing? What do their facial expressions look like? What does their body language look like?’ so that you can start to identify, ‘What's going on with the people around me?’ The other piece of that is, ‘How do I impact the people around me?’ And so, again, this is my ability to influence them, to inspire them, to motivate them through my words, through my actions. So, how could their emotional state be affecting their performance or actions, and what do I need to do to help them modify that and improve?” (25:56—26:36)

“Having feedback as a leader, I think, is almost more important than being able to give feedback as a leader. I think a lot of leaders think that's their job. ‘I have to manage these people. I have to teach them. I have to give them feedback.’ And you do. But the most successful leaders want feedback on their leadership.” (27:17—27:36)

“Most of us view feedback as evaluation or judgment. But in reality, the bulk of the feedback that we're giving and getting is coaching. If we can frame our mindsets around the feedback being coaching, just, ‘Hey, I care about you and I want to help you be a little bit better. I have some coaching for you. Are you up for it?’ as a leader, you should always say yes — always.” (28:02—28:22)

“Pillar number four is relationship management. This is the ability to influence others and understanding and managing their emotional state or of a group of people. So, this is a super high-level emotional intelligence skill. You have to really master the others before you can get here. But when this is developed, you can truly impact the mood of not just individuals but an entire group or a team.” (28:31—28:58)

“If you are really solid in your own self-awareness and regulating your emotions through all experiences, you're good at reading the room and seeing how other people are behaving or speaking and relaying their emotions, you're going to be much more successful at managing other people's emotions. And this is when you can really step in as a leader and really help your team and develop leaders. We talk all the time about great leaders develop other leaders. This is the piece that's the magic, the secret sauce in the recipe, is when you get to the point where you can help other people learn how to manage their emotions and work through these steps of emotional intelligence and develop. Now, you're really going to make some impact on your team.” (29:16—30:05)

“Say I'm a doctor listening and we have team meetings, and things are getting a little tense. There's some conflict conversation happening. It's getting uncomfortable. How would I know that tensions are high? What are some of the actions, feelings, or words that might be expressed during that team meeting that would help me to know if tensions are high? And then, what behaviors could I exhibit to help balance, motivate, or shift that tension to resolve? You also want to think about, what behaviors are other people exhibiting in a negative situation? What words could I use that help to diffuse a situation? We talk a lot about not using “you” statements but talking more about your own self and, ‘I'm feeling this way. What I would really like to see is this,’ versus, ‘You never,’ blah, blah, blah, because that's going to raise the energy level and not diffuse the energy level. So, the bottom line with relationship management is asking yourself some of these questions and, ‘How can I positively influence this situation in this moment?’” (31:39—32:40)

“[Relationship management] can happen with patients too. If you have a nervous patient in the chair and you really struggle because maybe you're a younger, newer dentist and you haven't been through that very many times yet where someone is crying, ‘Oh my gosh. How are we going to get through this appointment?’ stop for a minute. How are you feeling? Regulate. ‘I'm going to respond and not react. I can tell that they're also feeling something. What are they feeling? What could I do right now that could make it easier for them? What could I do right now that would help to bring positivity and elevate the mood? How do we go from chaos to peace? What are some things that we could bring? What energy could I contribute?’” (32:40—33:20)

“You have to be able to take your own emotional temperature. There's a really great image when you go through certification in emotional intelligence of a thermometer and having that visual image of like, ‘Where am I right now?’ And if you're up in the red, you have to think of ways, like we talked about before, like take a walk, step outside, listen to some music, talk to a friend, journal it out, to get that thermometer back down into neutral zone. So, you want to take your own emotional temperature. If it's not where you want it to be, it is up to you to change it. Step one is, know where you're at. Step two is, try to find a couple of things that can help to affect your emotional state.” (36:40—37:17)

“Just like dentistry, we know that ignoring the symptoms within our practice, the things that aren't going well, does not make an issue go away. Over time, it's only going to get worse. You always say unresolved conflict always becomes a crisis. If we just stick our head in the sand and don't focus on how we improve this over time, it's only going to get worse. So, use the visual to diagnose your emotional intensity with that thermometer. Come up with countermeasures.” (37:18—37:46)

Snippets:

0:00 Introduction.

2:27 Why this is an important topic.

4:49 Being a leader is harder than being a great dentist.

7:41 Pillar #1) Self-awareness.

9:55 Character is a skill, not a trait.

11:37 Pause and ponder.

13:15 Utilize personality tests to increase self-awareness.

15:38 Pillar #2) Regulation.

18:06 Ways to get emotional flooding under control.

21:33 Pillar #3) Social awareness.

24:39 Ways to supplement social awareness.

26:41 Be okay with getting feedback.

28:24 Pillar #4) Relationship management.

30:36 Tips for knowing when tensions are high.

36:35 Final takeaways.

39:18 More about ACT’s To The Top Study Club. 

Miranda Beeson, MS, BSDH Bio:

Miranda Beeson, MS, BSDH, has over 25 years of clinical dental hygiene, front office, practice administration, and speaking experience. She is enthusiastic about communication and loves helping others find the power that words can bring to their patient interactions and practice dynamics. As a Lead Practice Coach, she is driven to create opportunities to find value in experiences and cultivate new approaches.

Miranda graduated from Old Dominion University, and enjoys spending time with her husband, Chuck, and her children, Trent, Mallory, and Cassidy. Family time is the best time, and is often spent on a golf course, a volleyball court, or spending the day boating at the beach.
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